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Bienvenue
Layout: The world Goes by. While we wait on the side walks, people walk by, cars screech past and the wind drifts onwards. Don't waste your life. Don't just stand there.
Image: A photograph I took while I was in Europe in the Summer of 2008.
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A new layout, A new me? Welcome to the hopeless rants of a marauding girl, with no hopes of gaining anything of slight usefulness. This is simply her melodies, or more, vociferation of life and all its follies. No doubt you will enjoy it.
The graphics are utmost belongings of the marauding child, unless stated otherwise. Steal them and unbeknownst to you shall come a hideous monster, of terrible being, to end your pityful lives.
So much to blog, So much time.
Written on Sunday, 30 August 2009 at 10:37
0 comments
Okayokay.I should have quite a bit of time over the next few days, so I want to blog about a few things.
-Top x number of things to see in London
- Italian Boys
- Just Boys. :P
- Conservatoire Experience
- Being in London
Things to Do
- Email Katy
- Email Sam
- Wall Charlotte
So there we go.
Lots of time for gossip too.
But the short and the short of it.. is that I LOVE LONDON.
Forgive me.
Written on Wednesday, 12 August 2009 at 19:22
My apologies.My apologies, D. I was young, innocent, and naive of the situation.
Had I known, or even had the slightest idea of what was about to happen, I would have taken back the harsh words, delivered words of love and kindness and been there when you needed me most. I was idiotic, always selfish, still am, and lacked understanding of how you felt - so caught up in my own feelings. And for that, forgive me.
My apologies A. You were there for me, in the time that I needed it the most, in my times of weakness. I used to feel so close around you, and I knew you would be there. But in recent times, I have closed my self up, into a box, because I know that if you saw even a glimpse of how I really felt, you would feel sorry for me straight away, and I didn't want pity. I neglected you as a friend, and for that, I ask you to forgive me.
My Apologies S. You were also there for me, and always level headed. But You may have had your faults, and I underestimated your person. I never felt I could open upto you, but in fact you were porbbaly the one person I should have opened up to. I have not been fair to you as a friend, and I want to apologise.
Lastly, My Apologies to M. You have sacrificed almost everything for me, looked after me, and have been my support all through. There is nothing you would not do for me, and I do not think I will EVER appreciate enough what you have done for me. You give yourself selflessly, while I act almost always selfishly, taking advantage of you at every possible moment, acting uncaringly, even though you don't deserve it. You deserve the world, but I have never give you anything and for that, please, please Forgive me.
But for this, I can not apologise: I can not apologise for the why I felt like the way I did. D, I was young - we can't take back time. A - you made me question if I could trust you, with your ever undulating attitudes, and S, you were never open with me. M, you always allowed me to get away with it.
No matter. I apologise For feeling the way I did, and not being able to change.
The Ashes - Edgbaston
Written on Sunday, 2 August 2009 at 19:01
I've always been quite interested in cricket, but particularily interested in the English Cricket Team, and their tours.If you are a girl, and like cricket, watch England playing cricket in the Ashes series. Or if you are a guy too, and want to watch classly cricket, then watch the Ashes series.
The cricketers are absolutely heavenly. Yum, Yum Yum.
The England cricketers to watch out for: Andrew Flintoff, Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad, Alistair Cook, and maybe even Graeme Onions.
(All of the others are a bit yuck. But still. 4/11 players are pretty good statistics).
Then Austrailia has: Bret Lee, Mitchell Johnson, Shane Watson.
Many people, especially girls, aren't really interested in cricket anymore, especially Test cricket and in a sense, is probably a dying sport.
But I really think its an under-rated sport (except in India and Pakistan where the sport is over-rated).
Often in the West, it is considered a "public-school " sport, and cricket is being played less and less in the West, especially with the popularity of other sport, such as rugby and football.
I know in South America, the sport of practically unheard of, with some of my South American friends never having watched cricket before.
With 20/20 in the bag, Cricket is taking a little more of a spike in the sporting ratings, but Test cricket is loosing its once present "Oomph" about it, due to the generally slow pace of the game, spanning over 5 days, and I think the Ashes series is a great way to regain the popularity of this particular branch of cricket.
The Ashes are great to watch, and as a cricket nut, (and a girl), I'm loving watching England versus Austrailia, while the way the players are "sledging" eachother on the crease.
Sledging is when players abuse eachother on the field, and man, I can feel the field getting hot.
Especially when some of the players are all so good looking.
It's all so manly. Yum.
The End of a Storm
Written on Wednesday, 29 July 2009 at 01:50
I wrote this poem at about 2.00 am in the morning. I felt creative. See if it makes sense to you. If it does, well, I'm glad, because at least I reached out to someone. I'm not a poetic person, so this is slightly unusual for me.How the storm within seas are raging
The flurry of emotion calling,
The tempests of fury are blasting;
The sea is forever deceasing.
But yet like the phoenix, Rising,
The sea is constantly yearning,
And from it's resurrecting,
The life left behind moves in passing.
The sea's soul is endlessly twisting,
It's is left ever wondering,
What life holds, what is left impending,
Uncertainty, leaves it's heart racing.
Chaos impales it, leaves it writhing
What to be, to say, to be feeling,
The drowned sea keeps ceaselessly searching,
For things, which end it's boundless grieving
How the storm within me is raging,
My flurry of emotion calling,
My tempest of fury is blasting,
But the calm, the sunshine after the storm: That is what is worth the fighting.
Technical Stuff:
9 syllables a line, 4 lines in each Stanza.
Each line ends with the suffix "ing".
This (hopefully) should give the poem a sense of continuity, and hopefully movement.
THIS POEM BY WALT WHITMAN was what gave me inspiration for my poem.
Well here is what it is about (Sort of):
The sea is emotion, and the soul of a person.
I'm trying to express that people are often conflicted inside, and often have their own personal battles or "storm's" to face.
But the last line says it all for me:
That no matter how harsh that storm is,
no matter how terrifying it is at the time,
you have to face it, and battle your own demons.
Because at the end of it - you are going to be fine, and things will always get better - or at least that's what you have to keep believing.
Breaking Dawn: A review
Written on Monday, 27 July 2009 at 23:04
Over the last week, I have not been neither sober enough nor bothered enough after my parents go to bed to post, so I havent. At the current point in time, I am both sober, and bothered.After I ordered Breaking Dawn off Amazon, I finished reading the book in the space of about 4 days.
Yes it is about 700 pages. So very long.
The only reasons why I finished reading the book so damn quick was that :
A) I was very bored. Summer holidays are not exciting in the Middle East.
B) I wanted to know what kind of end this Edward and Bella would come to.
For those of you who have read at first book in the Twilight series, "Twilight" may or may not have been an enjoyable experience as far as a book is concerned.
But to be honest, I quite enjoyed Twilight, as it was both a Romance novel but quite interesting too. Maybe a bit too much romance and love for A 17 year old Bella, but you know, a girl can dream. Who wouldn't want to have a super hero Possible-killer-but-sexy-as-hell boyfriend? So I enjoyed it.
I didn't read the 2nd book of the sequel, whatever it was called. I read "Eclipse" though.
Yes, Bella's obsession with Edward leaves much to be desired, and quite frankly, I would have suggested that she needed a therapist. It gets even more stupid when Edward wants her to marry him. And then. As if that wasn't bad enough, the man she is about to marry [Edward] openly accepts the fact that Bella has been snogging the hell out of his arch-enemy-nemmisis (who is also Bella's best friend) and in fact, encourages Bella to do so.
And wait. That isn't it. In "Breaking Dawn" (the last, and final book in the series, Thankfully) it all gets even worse. Not only does nothing really happen in the book, but when something does, it is something as stupid as hell. Edward and Bella just seem to want to screw each other a lot, and she gets Vain as hell, and then the WORST bit is that the werewolf-arch-nemisis-of-Edward guy who used to be in love with Bella then goes and falls in love with their 1 day old baby daughter.
So all in all, the book is absolutely fucking ridiculous, and nothing happens in it.
The only reason I would suggest reading Breaking Dawn is if you are a die-hard (or just average) fan of the first twilight book and are mildly interested in what happens to Bella and Edward in the future (which isn't really much).
I think it is a waste of time. Everything that happens is stupid.
Psycho Babble.
Written on Wednesday, 22 July 2009 at 23:00
As I have been at a slightly loose end over the period of my holidays, I have taken to Binge-TV-Series-Watching.
So what have I been watching? (a condensed List)
Gossip Girl,
90210,
Grey's Anatomy,
Private Practice,
Desperate Housewives,
Bones
Basically what I have begun to realize...
is that Psychological crap seems to be really in fashion.
Not that I don't enjoy it, on the contrary, I DO!
It just seems to be appearing quite often.
Lets look at the above examples.
is that Psychological crap seems to be really in fashion.
Not that I don't enjoy it, on the contrary, I DO!
It just seems to be appearing quite often.
Lets look at the above examples.
---- SPOILER ALTER ---- SPOILER ALERT ---- SPOILER ALERT ----
If you have not watched the latest seasons of the above series, its probably best not to read the rest of this post.Gossip Girl: Well towards the end of the second season, you have slightly mad Georgina returning from Jesus Land and then turning into so vengeance seeking psycho-path and turning very Chuck Bass on the audience.
In 90210, have protagonist, Silver, going for the all out Bi-Polar disorder on the audience, leaving her to be limp, and frustrated.
In Grey's Anatomy, Alex Karev's ex-girlfriend, Eva was suffering severe depression and poor Alex - more iminently, there was the tumour of Izzy Stevens, which to say the least drove her face surreal hallucinations and had tremendous repurcusions on the character.
In Private Practice, one of the depressed patients goes all psycho AS WELL! She tries to remove a baby surgically from her pregnant therapist's belly, while never having had any medical training in her life.
Then Desperate Housewives - the whole 5th season was based around an revenge-seeking and psychopathic Dave, who had severe anger management problems, trying to avenge the death of his wife and daughter.
And Lastly, in Bones, the gruesome twosome, Temperance Brennan and Seeley Booth both encounter psychopathic criminals on a day-to-day bases, with some of them having disturing consequences.
---- END SPOILER ---- END SPOILER ---- END SPOILER ----
Obviously, psychological mind-games are very fashionable nowadays. Not that I'm complaining, I'm enjoying it very much.
If you have not watched all the seasons of the above series, I would definately reccomend so. Even some guys I know enjoy Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives! You might be surprised.
If you have not watched all the seasons of the above series, I would definately reccomend so. Even some guys I know enjoy Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives! You might be surprised.
Hari the Potter? Who is that?
Written on Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 23:08
With me leaving to see the Harry potter and the Half Blood Prince movie in approximately 10 minutes ago (I'm horribly late) , I can't help but wonder what kind of dissapointment HP Fans are going to be faced with this year.I, myself, must admit that I was quite a fan of the Harry Potter BOOKS series, and then I read the 7th and final Harry Potter Book. And that was it. It didn't interest me any more. And I havent read any of the books in about 8 months, if I remember correctly, and that is quite a long period of no-harry-potter-books by my standards. But I just lost interest, I suppose. But I would still read the books if I had not much else to do.
Then the movies. I think that is a whole different story. The first Harry Potter was babyish, the second one just boring. The third movie was Okay and the fourth movie had half of the storyline cut out of it.
And then the fifth - Well. It was a combination of the worst aspects of all the preceding movies before it - Crucial scenes of the plot, which I thought were so important and touching if nothing else was cut out. Okay, Okay, I'm being harsh here. But the worst thing about the 5th movie was that it was SO DARK. The colour schemes, the general shots, the overall storyline. Yes, indeed Harry Potter gets darker as the series progresses, but I was worried about how much more they can push it, especially by the time they get to the Deathly Hallows.
Like I said, I'm being harsh. I would still watch the movies, and to be honest, I still do enjoy them. Just that they are perhaps over rated.
(Yet here I am going to watch the premiere of Harry Potter in my Country at 11.30pm just so I can be some of the first few lucky people in the Middle East to watch the movie. So maybe, JUST maybe, I might be a hypocrit and at heart- Im a diehard Harry Potter Fan. Ugh.)
It's a Bittersweet Symphony this life.
Written on Sunday, 28 June 2009 at 13:05
As mentioned in my previous posts, I feel as though the tides are slowly changing. My slightly cynical self is slowly retreating into the background from whence it came, and I'm feeling better.Despite the fact that in some respects things are falling apart for me, some small insistent part of my inner being wants to truly believe that things are looking up, improving, forever getting better. Then, on the other hand, there is a larger part of my self, which seems to batter against my hopes, smash my wishes, and dismiss my dreams, really stating that: My life cant be improving. Because any time things get better, its only going to get worse. After all, the higher you climb, the harder you fall.
My parents may both be on the verge of loosing their jobs, which both have had for over 20 years of so in their respective departments, and at the same time, various family members seem to be thriving while we sink into deep and irreversible financial burdens. It seems almost unreal that our life has come to this - our life, that was once, so, so, so good, comfortable. Buying shoes, clothes, bags every weekend, spending inflated prices for over-appreciated coffee, and taking part in other such extravagant rituals, and to think that now, it may all disappear. I don't know how we would cope.
How would I cope? How could I cope? What would happen? Would we be able to support ourselves?
Am I overreacting? Possibly. But the fact of the matter is that from next year onwards, my quarterly fees in my school is double of what one of my parents earn in a month, and coupled together with the ever rising rent prices in the area, there seems no end to our problems.
Meanwhile, my mother is battling with depression. I use the word "battling" lightly. Her mood sways from side to side, a ship lulling feverently in stormy seas, never able to know which way she may sway next. I suppose what makes the ordeal of my mother's depression more severe for me is that our moods and life is rigidly intertwined. If I become depressed, she then follows, and if she is upset, I then promptly also move to a darker place. For the life of me, I do not know why this is, or why this happens, but I suppose it could have something to do with our close relationship. All through my childhood, my mother was the only thing, the only person who was constantly there, from day 1 onwards, all the way up to now. In some respects, she is the only thing that keeps me grounded, stable, and constantly reminds me of who I am, or who I should be - and that is, myself.
Amidst all these atrocities, and uncertainty, there still remains a glimmer of hope for me. Towards the last week of my 7 week exam stint, I began brightening up. I began socializing with some of my mother's friends, and we hosted an enormous (but seemingly extravagant) dinner party at my house, with about 30 or so people. You may be wondering - so what? But the truth is, it mattered a lot. It was the first instances when I had left the house after exams started and socialised with people who actually gave me some sort of delight in my life. They made me laugh, they made me part of their social group. It felt great, and for a change, I did not feel like this masked "Wall-flower" who blended with the background, but instead someone that people liked to talk to.
My only worry now is: will this keep up? My unchanging tendency is always to ruin good periods in my life, by self destruction. I'm almost always the master of my own unhappiness, because usually I have too much expectation from events and the people around me. I begin to build up this fantasy of happiness around me, which doesn't really exist. Maybe this is it: The lower your expectation, the better things seem, because you learn to expect almost nothing from anyone. Higher expectations can only lead to disappointment, but how do you stop yourself from always expecting, or at least wanting more?
Summer Ball
Written on Friday, 26 June 2009 at 02:04
Today, I attended my first ball EVER!I wore a turquoise half length dress, which was sleeveless and had an empire waistline. Along with it was sequenced shoes which was over 10cm in height and had little peep toes.
A massive necklace and huge shiny dangly earrings were also present due to the simplicity of the dress.
To be honest, it was the first time I really LOVED shopping for clothes.
I HATE shopping, but this week was the exception and I truly enjoyed every moment. Getting dressed up was a truly fairy-tale-ish experience, with my mum helping me do my hair and getting my dress sorted.
Just like in Mamma Mia, just before Amanda Bynes gets married, Meryl Streep helps her get presentable, and it was a somewhat similar situation with me and mum.
For once, I felt good, and felt as though I actually looked great. It was a great confidence boost.
Again, very much like my exams, I was full of mixed emotion.
This was the very last event in which my fellow classmates would be sharing our last moments together, and since next year, we were all choosing different subjects and different courses, we wore not likely to be in classes together.
All the people I had become close to in the last two years would slowly fade into the distance and hopefully I would make new friends.
it was much like my very last exam, because I knew that this was probably one of the last few social gatherings I would attend with certain collegues of mine, and I knew this was the end of one chapter in my life.
As much as I am forward to the next chapter, being a seniour sixth former *, I know that it will pose a challenge - new friends, new lessons, higher expectations, higher workload.
It's going to be tough. I hope I will do okay, because I'm not someone who particularily thrives under change, but for some reason this time around, I feel optimistic.
Maybe that's a good sign?
(Ooo, and about 5 guys came upto and said I looked hot/beautiful/pretty. I'm happy.)
*A Sixth Former is someone in year 12 or 13 in a school (ie. The last two years of schooling before someone goes to university)
Long Time No See
Written on Monday, 22 June 2009 at 22:38
Yes, it has been ages since I posted (apart from my last post I mean).Exams had been stressful. Now I'm back for the summer, hopefully try and blog a post or two everyday. Not that anyone reads it, but its nice to have something to do.
Heres a list of stuff I want to do this summer:
- 1 Large Scale Piece of Art which can be framed
- A piece of composition on Sibelius
- Get S.A.T. Preparation Books
- Find out What course I want to do in University and what subjects I need to do them
- What Summer internships I can do for next summer
- Watch all of One Tree Hill
- Buy loads of clothes. AND SHOES!
Ooo! And this thursday we have our annual sumemr ball from school, where only over 16s are allowed, and its going to be so much fun, except I cant even find a half decent dress. So I'm screwed. Everyone already brought their dress like a month ago.
Need to Buy:
- dress
- Handbag
- Nailpolish
- Eyeshadow
- Shoes
- Bracelet
- Necklace
- Stockings or Body Shapper things.
- New Eyeliner
But yay for summer. I'm sort of nervous about seeing everyone in school again though, because I havent seen anyone in like 10 days or so and its a bit weird, seeing everyone in formals. Sigh. And I want a guy. Why couldnt I go with a guy?
Boys. Tsk.
About me
Call me Pat or Melodies or Steph or El Operator. Any of those. My real identity is kept secret. Why?
Well I refuse to let my writing be influenced by what my friends in real life think, so to stop them from being judgemental, I have no told them about this blog.
I lead quite a mystery life.
My sincerest apologies for enslaving you into viewing this page of absurdity.
So this is a haven for my rants and raves, unfortunately. Blog full of uselessness from yours truly, especially little stories that may be going into a book I would like to write.
I think my life is full of enough soap opera to keep readers entertained for a while.
Stalk the Blog.
Affiliates
Hibari Rokudo Tsuna Colonello Kyoko Yamamoto Gokudera Reborn Haru Ryohei Chrome Lambo I-Pin Lal Viper Squalo Skull Xanxus Ciel Sebastian
Shout out
By title
So much to blog, So much time.
Forgive me.
The Ashes - Edgbaston
The End of a Storm
Breaking Dawn: A review
Psycho Babble.
Hari the Potter? Who is that?
It's a Bittersweet Symphony this life.
Summer Ball
Long Time No See
By month
July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009